In yesterday's news...
Naked man arrested after pulling awl from rectum
By Karl Fischer
CONTRA COSTA TIMES
A police encounter with a naked man near the El Cerrito BART station turned into an arrest on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon Thursday.
Passers-by called officers about 7:50 a.m. to report that a naked man was lying on a tree stump beside the Ohlone Greenway path, exposing himself and masturbating.
Police saw 33-year-old John Sheehan and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure.
Officers led him to the nearest street, the 2000 block of Kearney Avenue. Before putting Sheehan in the back of his car, Sgt. Paul Keith asked him if he had anything on him that police should know about.
Sheehan replied that he had hidden a screwdriver in his anal cavity, Horgan said.
Unsure about what to do, police called for a fire engine. (I'm guessing that was a good idea, they were missing a ladder...who knows what else he was hiding up his ass. M.K.) Firefighters quickly decided that an emergency room would be better equipped to deal with the situation.
Sheehan interceded before an ambulance was called.
"When he heard what they were talking about, he said, 'Hey, don't worry about it. I can do it,'" said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.
Mindful that a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape could be used as a weapon, officers kept their weapons trained on the 33-year-old. (A nasty fart could impale and kill an officer or innocent bystander.)
Sheehan went quietly afterward, without explanation.
Sheehan was paroled from state prison last week and listed an address in Pittsburg, Horgan said. Police booked him into County Jail in Martinez on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.
Before sentencing the judge probably ripped him a new asshole...or another asshole.
"went quietly, without explanation."
no explanation really needed at this point.
Posted by: Ethan | November 06, 2006 at 09:31 AM
And why an awl? I could understand a light bulb or even a toaster oven, but an awl?
Posted by: Mickey | November 06, 2006 at 01:54 PM